“Anecdotally women seem more prone to PMS symptoms during the perimenopause, or at least they tolerate the symptoms less well.”
—Real academic journal article, stating the obvious.
A few students I’ve seen in class recently have returned to their practice after long gaps. Like me after even a week without practice, they complained about losing their flexibility and were frustrated at having lost their earlier observable physical progress.
What I’ve noticed about them, is that yes, they might not be the most flexible students in the room. But their ability to remain calm , which they would have cultivated as a part of their practice, is still right there, just waiting to be tapped into. They may well be a mess of emotion on the inside, but they have genuinely learned to find stillness in their discomfort throughout their whole practice. That ability, once you develop it, seems to stay with you. So physical progress might be a squiggly graph line charted over time but calmness, or focus, is a steady, if sometimes horizontal, one.
One of the easiest ways I’ve found to guess how long someone has been practising is to look at their savasana; how they get into it and how they behave in it. The other day I had a class of eight, six regulars and two first-timers. The difference between the two groups was absolutely black and white.
Speaking of savasana, it’s only this week occurred to me that the ability to lie still in it is more literally transferable outside the room than I had considered. Maybe I’ve just been slow to catch on, using my head more than just my body, but I used to think it was more a mental stillness I was developing. While I’m sure that’s one aspect of it, I have realised that being still when I think I want something I don’t really want or want to do something I don’t really want to do is a superpower I can tap into.
It doesn’t matter what it is; let’s say it’s ice cream (good example though!) when I’m lying in bed watching another episode of Lost with my son, even though I know the ending is going to be the most disappointing one in the history of seasonal TV (maybe that’s why I need the ice cream). Instead of struggling with the want, I can just let it go and let the ease of doing nothing, to literally not move, be the dominant emotion.
This past week I have also struggled with endless PMT (or okay, a week’s worth). I have tried to tap into what it is that I want to make myself feel better. It’s not chocolate, wine, anything salty, going somewhere, not going somewhere, seeing someone or not seeing someone. Here’s the problem: It’s NOTHING. I don’t actually want or not want anything. Nothing will apparently make this deep uncomfortable feeling go away (aside presumably a period, and to a certain extent when it comes to the pain, ibuprofen). So here’s what I’m trying to be satisfied with: Nothing. I just have to sit with this and there’s no point looking for something external to make it better. Just like a savasana.
WATCHING
Season Two Mindhunter: up to the final episode. 😬
READING
Nothing. This has to stop.
COOKING
Trying to get my cooking mojo back. Tried this tonight instead of throwing out the weekly spinach delivery because I’m too lazy to make smoothies. (Food52 has now been blocked in Indonesia; use a VPN to access.)
LEARNING
Did a first aid course yesterday and one of the most interesting things we learned was that if you suspect methanol poisoning from dodgy drinks, the first thing you should administer is a high-quality white alcohol like vodka or gin to prevent the methanol uptake in the blood; ethanol in good alcohol will replace it. Also, the speed at which to administer compressions during CPR matches Stayin’ Alive. You’re welcome.